Fear – No Solo Struggles

Hope: Hard to Kill

There is a great song from a movie. Maybe you will recognize these lyrics??

Is hope believing that everything will work out for the better. (even in the worst of circumstances)

When walking through fire, hope means that you believe you will not be overcome by the flames.

Some think hope is foolish.

When your spouse continues to stray and disappoint, when your child has been overtaken by an incurable illness, or when you go into work to find out that instead of the promotion you have been fighting for, you are told that your services are no longer needed.

Is it really foolish?

Hope is necessary.

Without hope what would help us see past our current situation? What would drive us to get up in the morning?

I am sure you could say I get up in the morning because of my family but what if they are the struggle.

It definitely makes things more complicated.

We can not live life without hope.

Without hope

Your mind will wonder into the darkest part and stay there.

HERE is where contemplating suicide can creep in and you feel like you are worthless.

Allow me to be bold for a moment.

You are not worthless and if you are having feelings of suicide then talk to someone.

You are not alone.

Your mind is your greatest weapon and your worst enemy.

When you feel your hope fading what can you depend on to help let the light in?

Friends, family, a professional, a complete stranger, God?

It seems easier on the outside looking in at Christians but I can tell you is definitely isn’t.

I have fought hard to keep hope alive and I have fought even harder since becoming a follower of Christ.

Since becoming a Christian, I have experienced abuse, disappointment, divorce, PTSD, loss, and more.

But I have also experienced mental and emotional healing, forgiveness, grace, and so much more incredible things like become a mother to two insanely loved little girls.

It would be so easy to blame those in my past for what has happened to me and to wallow in self pity but that doesn’t help anyone.

It doesn’t make me feel any better and those who have wronged me don’t all of a sudden feel the need to apologize.

Hope is to no assign blame for the bad.

Hope is knowing that when the bad comes, there will be good that will come and be so bright that it will overwhelm the bad causing it to shrink into insignificance.

Yes it is hard to have hope but it is even hard to kill.

This is such a heavy message and I wanted to end it on a higher note. So here is a great song from one on my favorite artists.

Remember to have HIGH HOPES

Have high hopes and enjoy the life you have been given.

Trigger Happy or… NOT

According to the video, she states that emotional triggers are anything that causes a strong response such as fight or flight.

Another way to think of it is that it is a survival instinct. Whether it is necessary or not.

A lot of the time, these triggers cause an inappropriate response that is very hard to understand for you and the people around.

Emotional triggers can be good or bad.

A good trigger would be smelling cookies in the oven which can trigger a memory of walking into your grandma’s who was always baking you something yummy, giving you a sense of comfort or joy.

A bad trigger is more of what people recognize.

A bad trigger is seeing someone that looks like an ex that you had a rough break up with. You have an intense reaction of fear or anger just by seeing a similarity within a complete stranger.

It sounds a little irrational, right?

Well, just last night I experienced that. I saw someone who, in the lighting, looked like my ex.

I froze.

My husband had told me who he was beforehand but I still reacted.

Did the guy or my husband know? No

I kept repeating what my husband had said and I knew it wasn’t him. It took me a minute but I managed to push through the trigger and no one had a clue that I had experienced such a surge of fear, so much so that I couldn’t move.

This all happened within a 30 second time frame but it felt like an eternity.

This event also occurred years after the abuse that created this trigger. I reacted quite well compared to how I have in the past.

I want to dive a little deeper into my past to expand upon this topic with another personal experience.

It was soon after I had married my current husband.

I had been in a silent struggle for a couple months because I was terrified to upset him. He never knew it nor would he understand it.

We got into an argument and he voice changed ever so slightly.

Next thing I know, my heart is racing and my hands are shaking. I can’t figure out if I am scared or just angry.

I have tears building and causing my vision to blur and when I looked at my husband..

It wasn’t him.

My heart was just about to crash through my chest as I am now face to face with my ex again.

I ran into the bathroom and hid.

Can you imagine what my husband of a few month was thinking??

Probably along the lines of what in the world just happened????

He didn’t sign up for life with me knowing that he was going to have to talk me down again and again.

After I had calmed down I talked to him about what had happened and he comforted me but that was only the first of many episodes..

PTSD is a serious thing and it takes serious work to live with.

You hear a lot about soldiers having PTSD and that they are triggered by a lot of things that would make you want to crawl under a rock than try to deal with it.

You don’t hear about people recovering from abusive relationships or even a mom that had a traumatic delivery.

But here is the problem with all of it.

Your mental health is so important, whether you have served this country or whether your a single mom just trying to get by.

Everyone at some point has picked up a trigger or two, not always good ones.

Through a bad relationship, being laid off, a death of a loved one, a traumatic experience, a dead beat parent, a bully, etc.

You are not alone. You may feel crazy when you are triggered because you can’t even explain why you react the way you do.

Many will try to avoid the triggers and many successfully do for a while but is that healing??

You don’t heal from a broken bone by just avoiding it or ignoring it.

Triggers are like this open wound that has been left untreated so it starts to fester then the pain really sets in.

No one likes to get a cast or to get a wound debridement but sometimes it is necessary so that you can heal properly.

Are you getting it yet??

By avoiding triggers, you are avoiding healing.

By avoiding triggers, your health is declining.

By avoiding triggers, you can not move forward.

It is not easy.

I avoided my triggers to the best of my ability and by doing so my life began to fall apart.

I would shut down, put up walls, avoid going out.

I have been working on myself for years and I find more triggers as life goes on.

Know that I am not saying it will be easy but you are not alone and you will survive this because if you are striving to heal then the triggers will fade and will become bearable.

Instead of running to the bathroom to hide, you will be able to remind yourself of what the truth is and win the battle raging in your mind.

Reach out, work on yourself, and move forward.

Do you have any triggers, big or small, that you avoid?

Are there ways you think might help you get through a trigger? If so comment them.

You never know who your tip might help.

Unexplained Anxiety

I have anxiety!

There is a war waging silently in my mind every second of everyday.

Is that normal? Am I going crazy?

Am I just not letting go of my past or is it fear for my future?

Is it stress or am I depressed?

No one understands what is going on. I should just keep it to myself and it will eventually get better.

I constantly struggle with the thought that no one else is going through this and that I should just suck it up.

This isn’t just a story of how I overcame a situation. This is my life from day to day.

From Megan Rocha Damsel Pro on Instagram

WOW! What you see is an incredible friend, a loving sister, or that great guy you work.

OR.. Do you see yourself?

It took a very long time for me to except that I had anxiety.

When I was in high school, I was busy. I was in band, choir, and I participated in other things when I could like drama. I didn’t feel stressed most of the time.

I hated how I just didn’t quite fit in anywhere. I felt like I had to be tough in order for people to take me seriously.

As a typical teenager I struggled with image and comparing myself to others.

My home life was practically nonexistent because I was so busy with band and my mother worked so hard to provide for me and my siblings.

Shout out to the single moms! You guys are amazing!

Then one day I was at practice for the spring musical and something went sideways..

Actually, I went sideways.

I had passed out and began to have a seizure.

I woke up clueless, surrounded be classmates, and just felt like I was going to die of embarrassment.

I continued to have seizures for roughly a year and had tests done and nothing ever showed up.

People started saying I was faking and that made my anxiety even worse.

It wasn’t until I went to a therapist that it all started to come together.

What is it they say?

You have to be willing to admit there is a problem before you can begin to fix it.

It took time but I learned how to better cope with my anxiety and I did quit having seizures and I managed to get through high school.

It was only the beginning though. Life was just getting started.

I have constantly struggled with anxiety.

In fact, just a couple weeks ago I found myself struggling to breath due to a panic attack but if you were to see me out and about you wouldn’t of known. Why would you?

People only see what you want to see.

Anxiety is a constant battle.

Tell me.. What do you see here??

I bet you don’t see anxiety and overwhelming doubt.

Of course you don’t. I am smiling.

No one wants to show weakness and wear pain on their face.

Do you ever notice when someone is struggling?

Be really honest with yourself.

Do you or someone you know fall into the category of having anxiety? Do you check the boxes for overthinking, being a people pleaser, or lack the ability to set up appropriate boundaries? If so, what can you do to help yourself?