I wanted to start things off with my favorite quote.
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
— Marilyn Monroe.
I know I am sure those of you who have read the first line of my About section are thinking.
Really?? Marilyn Monroe? You claim to love the Lord but like her?
All I have to say is.. Yes. I love reading about Marilyn and how her life went. She is a very fascinating person. She went through A LOT and there are tons of quotes by her so you may see more mentions of her.
My name is Megan and I have lived a life that has made me feel very alone. I rarely am alone though, especially now. I am a mother of two beautiful girls, a military spouse, an entrepreneur, and I have a heart of a dabbler.
Unfortunately, I have walked down the wrong path a time or two and paid the price. You see I was young and “in love” and got married. Soon I learned that he was not the greatest. He used drugs and abused me mentally which then turned to physically. He even stole my identity and wrecked my credit. I felt so alone. I couldn’t believe this happened to me.
I was blessed enough to escape and start to rebuild my life. I met my current husband and I am trying to live “my best life” and it is easier said than done.
The reason I am starting this blog is to give hope to someone who is immersed in hopelessness. I am still a broken person healing from my past but I now know that there are NO SOLO STRUGGLES. This blog is to shed light on the darkness that some many of us face. My hope is to help you get through the next breath because this will pass. You will survive and if you are determined enough you will thrive.
I think of the memories that I hold dear and I try to recreate them so that them memories I have can live in my children’s heart as they live in mine.
I give back in some way. Whether it is money or helping others who are in need or even just backing treats for friends. It doesn’t have to be a huge thing. Maybe a friend needs a babysitter or you can volunteer at a shelter. Whatever you are comfortable with.
I try something new. I have never been into going out in the cold to experience Christmas but this year I have on several occasions found myself outside experiencing new things to celebrate this time of year.
I have learned that it is okay to grieve over and over.
As long as you don’t let it hold you back from enjoying the life you still have.
So I say to you that no matter where you are and who you have lost..
I hope that you find a way to have joy in the holidays and experience life the way they would want you to.
There is a great song from a movie. Maybe you will recognize these lyrics??
Hope is hard to kill.
Is hope believing that everything will work out for the better. (even in the worst of circumstances)
When walking through fire, hope means that you believe you will not be overcome by the flames.
Some think hope is foolish.
When your spouse continues to stray and disappoint, when your child has been overtaken by an incurable illness, or when you go into work to find out that instead of the promotion you have been fighting for, you are told that your services are no longer needed.
Is it really foolish?
Hope is necessary.
Without hope what would help us see past our current situation? What would drive us to get up in the morning?
I am sure you could say I get up in the morning because of my family but what if they are the struggle.
It definitely makes things more complicated.
We can not live life without hope.
Without hope
Your mind will wonder into the darkest part and stay there.
HERE is where contemplating suicide can creep in and you feel like you are worthless.
Allow me to be bold for a moment.
You are not worthless and if you are having feelings of suicide then talk to someone.
You are not alone.
Your mind is your greatest weapon and your worst enemy.
When you feel your hope fading what can you depend on to help let the light in?
Friends, family, a professional, a complete stranger, God?
It seems easier on the outside looking in at Christians but I can tell you is definitely isn’t.
I have fought hard to keep hope alive and I have fought even harder since becoming a follower of Christ.
Since becoming a Christian, I have experienced abuse, disappointment, divorce, PTSD, loss, and more.
But I have also experienced mental and emotional healing, forgiveness, grace, and so much more incredible things like become a mother to two insanely loved little girls.
It would be so easy to blame those in my past for what has happened to me and to wallow in self pity but that doesn’t help anyone.
It doesn’t make me feel any better and those who have wronged me don’t all of a sudden feel the need to apologize.
Hope is to no assign blame for the bad.
Hope is knowing that when the bad comes, there will be good that will come and be so bright that it will overwhelm the bad causing it to shrink into insignificance.
Yes it is hard to have hope but it is even hard to kill.
This is such a heavy message and I wanted to end it on a higher note. So here is a great song from one on my favorite artists.
Remember to have HIGH HOPES
Have high hopes and enjoy the life you have been given.
According to the video, she states that emotional triggers are anything that causes a strong response such as fight or flight.
Another way to think of it is that it is a survival instinct. Whether it is necessary or not.
A lot of the time, these triggers cause an inappropriate response that is very hard to understand for you and the people around.
Emotional triggers can be good or bad.
A good trigger would be smelling cookies in the oven which can trigger a memory of walking into your grandma’s who was always baking you something yummy, giving you a sense of comfort or joy.
A bad trigger is more of what people recognize.
A bad trigger is seeing someone that looks like an ex that you had a rough break up with. You have an intense reaction of fear or anger just by seeing a similarity within a complete stranger.
It sounds a little irrational, right?
Well, just last night I experienced that. I saw someone who, in the lighting, looked like my ex.
I froze.
My husband had told me who he was beforehand but I still reacted.
Did the guy or my husband know? No
I kept repeating what my husband had said and I knew it wasn’t him. It took me a minute but I managed to push through the trigger and no one had a clue that I had experienced such a surge of fear, so much so that I couldn’t move.
This all happened within a 30 second time frame but it felt like an eternity.
This event also occurred years after the abuse that created this trigger. I reacted quite well compared to how I have in the past.
I want to dive a little deeper into my past to expand upon this topic with another personal experience.
It was soon after I had married my current husband.
I had been in a silent struggle for a couple months because I was terrified to upset him. He never knew it nor would he understand it.
We got into an argument and he voice changed ever so slightly.
Next thing I know, my heart is racing and my hands are shaking. I can’t figure out if I am scared or just angry.
I have tears building and causing my vision to blur and when I looked at my husband..
It wasn’t him.
My heart was just about to crash through my chest as I am now face to face with my ex again.
I ran into the bathroom and hid.
Can you imagine what my husband of a few month was thinking??
Probably along the lines of what in the world just happened????
He didn’t sign up for life with me knowing that he was going to have to talk me down again and again.
After I had calmed down I talked to him about what had happened and he comforted me but that was only the first of many episodes..
PTSD is a serious thing and it takes serious work to live with.
You hear a lot about soldiers having PTSD and that they are triggered by a lot of things that would make you want to crawl under a rock than try to deal with it.
You don’t hear about people recovering from abusive relationships or even a mom that had a traumatic delivery.
But here is the problem with all of it.
Your mental health is so important, whether you have served this country or whether your a single mom just trying to get by.
Everyone at some point has picked up a trigger or two, not always good ones.
Through a bad relationship, being laid off, a death of a loved one, a traumatic experience, a dead beat parent, a bully, etc.
You are not alone. You may feel crazy when you are triggered because you can’t even explain why you react the way you do.
Many will try to avoid the triggers and many successfully do for a while but is that healing??
You don’t heal from a broken bone by just avoiding it or ignoring it.
Triggers are like this open wound that has been left untreated so it starts to fester then the pain really sets in.
No one likes to get a cast or to get a wound debridement but sometimes it is necessary so that you can heal properly.
Are you getting it yet??
By avoiding triggers, you are avoiding healing.
By avoiding triggers, your health is declining.
By avoiding triggers, you can not move forward.
It is not easy.
I avoided my triggers to the best of my ability and by doing so my life began to fall apart.
I would shut down, put up walls, avoid going out.
I have been working on myself for years and I find more triggers as life goes on.
Know that I am not saying it will be easy but you are not alone and you will survive this because if you are striving to heal then the triggers will fade and will become bearable.
Instead of running to the bathroom to hide, you will be able to remind yourself of what the truth is and win the battle raging in your mind.
Reach out, work on yourself, and move forward.
Do you have any triggers, big or small, that you avoid?
Are there ways you think might help you get through a trigger? If so comment them.
Everyone is trying to be successful but what exactly does that mean?
Is it money, fame, or family?
Success can look like different things to different people.
How I viewed success?
When I was younger I thought success was achieved by making good grades and by how many people liked you.
Yep…
I was a huge disappointment when I defined success this way.
I had anxiety and tried so hard that I burned out within a week.
Then I decided that to be successful all I needed to do was to get into college and set myself up for a life where I didn’t need anyone.
Again..
BIG DISAPPOINTMENT!
Later on down the road, I learned that maybe success didn’t have anything to do with my career or achieving popularity so I decided that maybe success was finding a good guy and starting a family.
HA!! You guessed it.
Another EPIC disappointment. Was not a good guy. To learn a little more about that check out my post Trust with My Life.
SO…
What does success look like?
Is it that guy driving that insanely expensive sports car?
These pictures don’t lead to your own talk show or to a walk down the red carpet but, is it success?
A mom that spends her time at home trying to keep the kids alive knows this isn’t going to get her fame or fortune but does she view her day as a success when the kids are in bed and no one lost a limb?
We all know that cleaning up a mini van in 40 degree weather after your one year old pukes everywhere doesn’t really feel like a success.
I am speaking from experience… **COUGH COUGH yesterday COUGH COUGH**
Is success only when something big happens or can you consider the small wins in day to day life successes?
Let’s compare.
You finally got that promotion that you have been waiting for.
That is definitely a big success!
How about your child finally communicating that they need to use the potty but they don’t make it in time.
This may not sound like a success but in the life of a stay-at-home mom that is a huge step. It is a small win and a step closer to the end goal.
It is a success.
Here is a scenario for you.
You are in a toxic relationship via significant other, friend, or family member. You have tried to work it out in every way you can think of and have even reached out for help but in the end you decided to walk away.
Is this success or failure?
So many people will have their own opinions.
The person on the other end could look at it as a failure because you appear to be giving up on them or they may just be that clueless to what is really going on.
Those outside of the relationship may see it as selfish or as strength so it could be viewed as a win or a lose.
But, what about you… The person who walked away. What is your view of it?
Do you feel like you failed them and yourself or do you feel successful in lifting a heavy burden off your shoulders and now you can move forward instead of backwards.
I have been there and I am going to be honest.
I felt both.
I felt failure because I couldn’t figure out how to “fix” the relationship. I felt like something was wrong with me. I felt guilty for not only making myself start over but the other person had to find a new normal.
BUT
I never felt so free. Burdens are like carrying the world of your shoulders and letting them go made me feel like I could fly. I could heal and learn to love myself again.
The Bottom Line is…
Success is a hard word to define. It means something different to everyone and it definitely is not just for the rich and the famous.
It is for every person who reads this. When you find the successes in your life, you may be surprised by how successful you really are.
There is a war waging silently in my mind every second of everyday.
Can you relate?
Is that normal? Am I going crazy?
Am I just not letting go of my past or is it fear for my future?
Is it stress or am I depressed?
No one understands what is going on. I should just keep it to myself and it will eventually get better.
I constantly struggle with the thought that no one else is going through this and that I should just suck it up.
This isn’t just a story of how I overcame a situation. This is my life from day to day.
From Megan Rocha Damsel Pro on Instagram
WOW! What you see is an incredible friend, a loving sister, or that great guy you work.
OR.. Do you see yourself?
It took a very long time for me to except that I had anxiety.
When I was in high school, I was busy. I was in band, choir, and I participated in other things when I could like drama. I didn’t feel stressed most of the time.
I hated how I just didn’t quite fit in anywhere. I felt like I had to be tough in order for people to take me seriously.
As a typical teenager I struggled with image and comparing myself to others.
My home life was practically nonexistent because I was so busy with band and my mother worked so hard to provide for me and my siblings.
Shout out to the single moms! You guys are amazing!
Then one day I was at practice for the spring musical and something went sideways..
Actually, I went sideways.
I had passed out and began to have a seizure.
I woke up clueless, surrounded be classmates, and just felt like I was going to die of embarrassment.
I continued to have seizures for roughly a year and had tests done and nothing ever showed up.
People started saying I was faking and that made my anxiety even worse.
It wasn’t until I went to a therapist that it all started to come together.
What is it they say?
You have to be willing to admit there is a problem before you can begin to fix it.
It took time but I learned how to better cope with my anxiety and I did quit having seizures and I managed to get through high school.
It was only the beginning though. Life was just getting started.
I have constantly struggled with anxiety.
In fact, just a couple weeks ago I found myself struggling to breath due to a panic attack but if you were to see me out and about you wouldn’t of known. Why would you?
People only see what you wantto see.
Anxiety is a constant battle.
Tell me.. What do you see here??
I bet you don’t see anxiety and overwhelming doubt.
Of course you don’t. I am smiling.
No one wants to show weakness and wear pain on their face.
Do you ever notice when someone is struggling?
Be really honest with yourself.
Do you or someone you know fall into the category of having anxiety? Do you check the boxes for overthinking, being a people pleaser, or lack the ability to set up appropriate boundaries? If so, what can you do to help yourself?
I was going to be CEO of some company, somewhere and I was never going to have to worry about anything ever. Clearly, I had no idea what I was thinking. I started college with taking business classes and pretty much fell asleep in every class especially the math classes.
I ended up failing my first class ever and realized that this was going to be harder than I had intended.
By this time, my personal life had gone through the ringer.
My fiance had left me for someone who was more exciting, and I had become angry with every aspect of life. I had a dead-end job and no clear path. I felt like such a victim of my own life, but I learned later that I was in fact a terrible girlfriend and I can’t just show up and be amazing at math.
P.S. I am much better of a spouse now even though I have a lot of work to do still and I have learned that learning can be fun. **Except MATH!!**
Moving on…
I met someone!
Someone who made me feel special and led me to accept the gift the Jesus Christ offers us all. I was still angry but there was hope. I ended up marry this man.
Six months in I discovered what someone (my husband) looked like on drugs. I couldn’t believe it. I had trusted him, and he had disappointed. I was so lost. I did what I felt was right and stuck with the marriage as he went through rehab. This caused us to move far away from family as an attempt to keep him sober…
Are you seeing where this is going??
He became abusive. Mentally and emotionally, financially, and
finally physically…
He had managed to cut me off from everyone who cared about me and I couldn’t trust my own husband. I just knew I wasn’t going to survive this.
Then came a blessing in disguise.
He got me admitted into a psych hospital to stop me from leaving him, which is a conversation for another day, and it ended up being a place of refuge. He couldn’t get to me and I was able to plan my escape from the situation.
My life taught me that trusting someone is the hardest thing
to do, if not impossible. In life, trust is broken constantly, and disappointments
happen daily.
Whether it is the traffic on the way to an appointment or a friend backs out of plans at the last minute.
In a world full of imperfect people, can you trust anyone with your life?
You don’t have to go through what I have, to realize that you can’t. The only one you can truly trust is God. Is that easy? No but it is a lot easier to trust in Him than in this world full of broken people.
No Solo Struggles 