November 2019 – No Solo Struggles

Define: Success

Everyone is trying to be successful but what exactly does that mean?

Is it money, fame, or family?

Success can look like different things to different people.

How I viewed success?

When I was younger I thought success was achieved by making good grades and by how many people liked you.

Yep…

I was a huge disappointment when I defined success this way.

I had anxiety and tried so hard that I burned out within a week.

Then I decided that to be successful all I needed to do was to get into college and set myself up for a life where I didn’t need anyone.

Again..

BIG DISAPPOINTMENT!

Later on down the road, I learned that maybe success didn’t have anything to do with my career or achieving popularity so I decided that maybe success was finding a good guy and starting a family.

HA!! You guessed it.

Another EPIC disappointment. Was not a good guy. To learn a little more about that check out my post Trust with My Life.

SO…

What does success look like?

Is it that guy driving that insanely expensive sports car?

Or becoming a surgeon and saving lives on a daily basis?

Maybe..

Success looks like this.

OR this.

Do you consider these to define the word success?

These pictures don’t lead to your own talk show or to a walk down the red carpet but, is it success?

A mom that spends her time at home trying to keep the kids alive knows this isn’t going to get her fame or fortune but does she view her day as a success when the kids are in bed and no one lost a limb?

We all know that cleaning up a mini van in 40 degree weather after your one year old pukes everywhere doesn’t really feel like a success.

I am speaking from experience… **COUGH COUGH yesterday COUGH COUGH**

Is success only when something big happens or can you consider the small wins in day to day life successes?

Let’s compare.

You finally got that promotion that you have been waiting for.

That is definitely a big success!

How about your child finally communicating that they need to use the potty but they don’t make it in time.

This may not sound like a success but in the life of a stay-at-home mom that is a huge step. It is a small win and a step closer to the end goal.

It is a success.

Here is a scenario for you.

You are in a toxic relationship via significant other, friend, or family member. You have tried to work it out in every way you can think of and have even reached out for help but in the end you decided to walk away.

Is this success or failure?

So many people will have their own opinions.

The person on the other end could look at it as a failure because you appear to be giving up on them or they may just be that clueless to what is really going on.

Those outside of the relationship may see it as selfish or as strength so it could be viewed as a win or a lose.

But, what about you… The person who walked away. What is your view of it?

Do you feel like you failed them and yourself or do you feel successful in lifting a heavy burden off your shoulders and now you can move forward instead of backwards.

I have been there and I am going to be honest.

I felt both.

I felt failure because I couldn’t figure out how to “fix” the relationship. I felt like something was wrong with me. I felt guilty for not only making myself start over but the other person had to find a new normal.

BUT

I never felt so free. Burdens are like carrying the world of your shoulders and letting them go made me feel like I could fly. I could heal and learn to love myself again.

The Bottom Line is…

Success is a hard word to define. It means something different to everyone and it definitely is not just for the rich and the famous.

It is for every person who reads this. When you find the successes in your life, you may be surprised by how successful you really are.

What does success look like to you?

Unexplained Anxiety

I have anxiety!

There is a war waging silently in my mind every second of everyday.

Is that normal? Am I going crazy?

Am I just not letting go of my past or is it fear for my future?

Is it stress or am I depressed?

No one understands what is going on. I should just keep it to myself and it will eventually get better.

I constantly struggle with the thought that no one else is going through this and that I should just suck it up.

This isn’t just a story of how I overcame a situation. This is my life from day to day.

From Megan Rocha Damsel Pro on Instagram

WOW! What you see is an incredible friend, a loving sister, or that great guy you work.

OR.. Do you see yourself?

It took a very long time for me to except that I had anxiety.

When I was in high school, I was busy. I was in band, choir, and I participated in other things when I could like drama. I didn’t feel stressed most of the time.

I hated how I just didn’t quite fit in anywhere. I felt like I had to be tough in order for people to take me seriously.

As a typical teenager I struggled with image and comparing myself to others.

My home life was practically nonexistent because I was so busy with band and my mother worked so hard to provide for me and my siblings.

Shout out to the single moms! You guys are amazing!

Then one day I was at practice for the spring musical and something went sideways..

Actually, I went sideways.

I had passed out and began to have a seizure.

I woke up clueless, surrounded be classmates, and just felt like I was going to die of embarrassment.

I continued to have seizures for roughly a year and had tests done and nothing ever showed up.

People started saying I was faking and that made my anxiety even worse.

It wasn’t until I went to a therapist that it all started to come together.

What is it they say?

You have to be willing to admit there is a problem before you can begin to fix it.

It took time but I learned how to better cope with my anxiety and I did quit having seizures and I managed to get through high school.

It was only the beginning though. Life was just getting started.

I have constantly struggled with anxiety.

In fact, just a couple weeks ago I found myself struggling to breath due to a panic attack but if you were to see me out and about you wouldn’t of known. Why would you?

People only see what you want to see.

Anxiety is a constant battle.

Tell me.. What do you see here??

I bet you don’t see anxiety and overwhelming doubt.

Of course you don’t. I am smiling.

No one wants to show weakness and wear pain on their face.

Do you ever notice when someone is struggling?

Be really honest with yourself.

Do you or someone you know fall into the category of having anxiety? Do you check the boxes for overthinking, being a people pleaser, or lack the ability to set up appropriate boundaries? If so, what can you do to help yourself?

Trust With My Life

Life is full of choices.

https://pixabay.com/photos/choice-select-decide-decision-vote-2692466/ — Image Source

Some harder than others.

What to wear? What to major in? Who to spend your time with?

You have to trust that it will all work out…

Easier said than done, right?

When I was in high school, I had a plan.

I was going to be CEO of some company, somewhere and I was never going to have to worry about anything ever. Clearly, I had no idea what I was thinking. I started college with taking business classes and pretty much fell asleep in every class especially the math classes.

I ended up failing my first class ever and realized that this was going to be harder than I had intended.

By this time, my personal life had gone through the ringer.

My fiance had left me for someone who was more exciting, and I had become angry with every aspect of life. I had a dead-end job and no clear path. I felt like such a victim of my own life, but I learned later that I was in fact a terrible girlfriend and I can’t just show up and be amazing at math.

P.S. I am much better of a spouse now even though I have a lot of work to do still and I have learned that learning can be fun. **Except MATH!!**

Moving on…

I met someone!

Someone who made me feel special and led me to accept the gift the Jesus Christ offers us all. I was still angry but there was hope. I ended up marry this man.

Not so happily ever after

https://pixabay.com/photos/sad-depressed-depression-sadness-505857/ — Image Source

Six months in I discovered what someone (my husband) looked like on drugs. I couldn’t believe it. I had trusted him, and he had disappointed. I was so lost. I did what I felt was right and stuck with the marriage as he went through rehab. This caused us to move far away from family as an attempt to keep him sober…

Are you seeing where this is going??

He became abusive. Mentally and emotionally, financially, and finally physically…

He had managed to cut me off from everyone who cared about me and I couldn’t trust my own husband. I just knew I wasn’t going to survive this.

Then came a blessing in disguise.

He got me admitted into a psych hospital to stop me from leaving him, which is a conversation for another day, and it ended up being a place of refuge. He couldn’t get to me and I was able to plan my escape from the situation.

Why am I telling you this??

https://pixabay.com/photos/question-mark-why-problem-solution-2123967/ — Image Source

My life taught me that trusting someone is the hardest thing to do, if not impossible. In life, trust is broken constantly, and disappointments happen daily.

Whether it is the traffic on the way to an appointment or a friend backs out of plans at the last minute.

In a world full of imperfect people, can you trust anyone with your life?

You don’t have to go through what I have, to realize that you can’t. The only one you can truly trust is God. Is that easy? No but it is a lot easier to trust in Him than in this world full of broken people.

So how about you?

Do you trust anyone with your life?